


Of Comfort and Pretense

by cytheriafalas



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Drug Use, I can't write slow build to save my life but I try, M/M, Nightmares, Sleeping Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-17 03:37:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3513893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cytheriafalas/pseuds/cytheriafalas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin calls Harry in after seeing videos of Eggsy buying drugs. Harry takes it upon himself to make sure Eggsy is okay. There are some references to what I am kindly terming "bartering services for drugs," but you never see it happen. Story is complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm editing and posting this while sick, so I can't promise dumb stuff didn't slip by, but I did my best to make sure it's not dumb.
> 
> Follow me at fangirlingtendencies.tumblr.com for more of my madness.

Harry lifted his teacup to his lips, inhaling the warm scent of his tea. He wasn’t due into HQ for another few days, and he was determined to spend today getting caught up on his reading and quite honestly doing almost nothing. Then the phone rang.

“Galahad, we have a problem.”

Harry set his teacup down.

“What do you need?”

“Come in. You need to see this.”

“Yes, of course.” Harry brought his cup to the kitchen and rinsed it out. Something in Merlin’s voice, not quite fear, but edging that direction, had him dressing quickly. It wasn’t far to the tailor’s, but it still was nearly two hours from the time Merlin called him to the time he stepped out of the shuttle.

Merlin seemed to begrudge him every minute, waiting as he was on the landing, checking his watch three times in the time it took Harry to gain his feet and step out. Merlin shot a pointed look at his watch, then led the way up to the briefing room without a word.

HQ was quieter than it had been in months, only Amelia in sight, on loan from Germany, replacing a camera hidden in an old suit of armor. She gave him a smile as he passed, then returned her attention to hauling off the knight’s head.

They’d lost so many Kingsmen, some to the violence of the SIM cards and some who had gone with Arthur. It could have been so much worse, but Harry felt a pang every time he saw the building filled with potentials, and not one of them was Eggsy. He’d refused their every attempt at recruitment until even Harry had been forced to admit there was nothing to be done but let him go. He’d earned that much.

“What’s the mission?” Harry asked, following Merlin into the briefing room and closing the door behind him.

“This isn’t a mission, Harry.”

Harry. So it wasn’t official Kingsman business.

Merlin keyed up the viewscreen and gestured for Harry to don his glasses. He slipped them on, examining the image presented. It was a normal city home, perhaps in a lower-income area, but definitely still in London. A woman was frozen in midstep, halfway off the screen.

“I need you to brace yourself for what you’re going to see.”

Brace himself? Merlin had shown him, upon repeated request, the footage from the church massacre. He couldn’t imagine what would be more horrific than that.

“Continue.”

A few taps and the video screen split into six different images of the same house. The timestamps set them several days, sometimes several weeks apart. They didn’t seem to fall into a pattern of date or time, but did follow a general trend of increasing in frequency, at least as far as he could tell from six data points.

The first image filled the viewscreen and began to play. The woman finished her walk off the screen and a young man replaced her. It took Harry a moment to place him. He was strolling casually, but his steps were uncertain. Quick glances over his shoulder, path wavering from side to side, hands clenched in his pockets.

Eggsy.

He hesitated at the foot of the stairs, then, with one final glance over his shoulder, jogged up them and rang the doorbell. Harry took his eyes off the feed long enough to look at Merlin. His eyes were focused only on Eggsy, fingers gripping his clipboard so tight Harry could hear the slip of his skin over the smooth surface.

The door opened and Eggsy disappeared inside. Not much more than a minute later he emerged again, slipping a small plastic bag into his jacket pocket. Harry didn’t even have time to ask what it was—although even from the grainy CCTV footage, he had a sinking feeling he knew—before the image magnified and a list appeared, highlighted with images and labels flashing harmlessly to the side.

A round, orange pill, _Adderall—psychostimulant_.

Green capsule, _Chlordiazepoxide, “Librium”—benzodiazepine, sedative_.

Pink tablet, _Lorazepam, “Ativan”—benzodiazepine, anxiolytic_.

White, round pills, _Methadone—opiate_.

Pink, round pills, _Oxycodone—opiate_.

White tablet, _Zolpidem, “Ambien”—sedative_.

That video shrank back to its position at the top of the screen and the second video replaced it. Two weeks later, Eggsy’s arrival was more confident. A week after that, it was as though he visited an old friend. On that third visit he added round, blue pills that flashed _Diazepam, “Valium”—benzodiazepine_.

“I had Bors install audio-capable surveillance after that,” Merlin said. His voice was quiet, face pitying. “This next video… I can tell you what’s pertinent, if you’d prefer.”

“Play the video, please.”

This Eggsy, only a little over a month after his first visit to this house, looked… wrong. He was jittery, hands shaking when he didn’t have them clenched in fists. His face was gaunt, eyes sunken and dark circles like bruises. The sound of his knock rang too loudly through the room.

The door opened and the man who answered grinned broadly. “Eggsy! C’mon in, I’ve got some new stuff I think you’ll like.”

“Listen, man, I’m—”

“You ain’t tellin’ me you’ve not got any money for me, are you, my friend?”

Eggsy shifted on the doorstep, shrugging. He wiped his palms on the front of his jacket. “I’m not… With mum and the little one—”

“‘Mum and the little one’? Get out.”

He started to slam the door in Eggsy’s face, but the boy twisted his way in, catching it with a foot. The angle was wrong, but even his profile seemed to have contorted with need. “Listen, there’s gotta be— You said there were other ways. To pay. I could…”

The man hidden in the shadows sucked his teeth, the sound sending a foul sensation coiling through Harry’s stomach. He pushed the door open further and Eggsy nearly tripped over himself in his haste to get in. The door shut behind him, muffling the words, but they stayed clear enough to understand.

“There’s someone here who’s been waitin’ to give you a try. Keep him happy an’ we can prob’ly work somethin’ out.”

Harry tried to tune out the footsteps and the doors opening and the, “On your knees, boy.”

“Turn it off!”

The sound cut out and the video feed went dark. From the corner of his eye, Harry could see Merlin watching him, wary. He didn’t have the strength to pull himself together and present the face Merlin expected. The drugs were one thing. There were programs for that, people within the Kingsman who could help. The desperation and the lengths to which Eggsy was willing to go were different.

“Surely you knew about his drug problems?” Merlin asked.

“Marijuana,” Harry said, taking his glasses off to rub at the bridge of his nose. “He sold it and used it. Never anything else, and never…” He struggled to find the words. “Never bartering himself for its purchase. His family? What condition are they in?”

“Despite being entitled to quite a bit of aid from us, through his father and himself, he refused any of it. We tried to recruit him for our empty seats, but he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with us, even refusing Roxy. However, Michelle Unwin did divorce his step-father and we’ve ensured he cannot find them. From what financial documents I’ve seen—” and Harry did not doubt that was all of them “—they’ve been only steps above poverty for months now.”

Harry didn’t want to ask this next question. He didn’t want to know the answer, but if he was going to do something about this, he had to know. “And the other videos?”

“He performed the same act in the fifth. He has money in the sixth, although the man propositions him again.” Merlin’s voice was steady, but his hands gripped his clipboard too tightly again.

“I should have gone to him.”

“You were unconscious for weeks, Harry. You saw him as soon as you could stand, and he told you to leave as emphatically as any of the rest of us.”

‘Emphatic’ was certainly an apt word, Harry supposed. He rubbed at his forehead. “Where is he now?”

“Harry—” Harry shot Merlin a look. “He’s at home. Sleeping, I believe. Harry, he’s not one of us. He’s no longer our responsibility.”

Had it been anyone but Merlin, Harry’s reaction would have been much more violent than it was. He went rigid, letting out a sharp breath and determinedly not grabbing a fistful of Merlin’s shirt. “If that’s what you believe, I suggest you stay out of my way.”

He started to move past Merlin toward the door, but the other man stepped in front of him. “I’ve listened to those recordings. I know what’s on them. I’m not telling you not to get him. I’m telling you this isn’t protocol. If any of the others find out, short of playing the videos for them ourselves, it’s going to look like you’re favoring a washout.”

Harry didn’t bother telling Merlin that as far as he was concerned, the surveillance didn’t exist. Merlin would see it destroyed before anyone even knew it had ever existed. Eggsy would be protected above all else.

“There will be a cab to take you to Eggsy waiting outside. I’ll have a private room made up for him in the infirmary.”

 

The neighborhood the cab took him to wasn’t particularly rundown, nor was the flat especially dilapidated, but Harry kept a firm grip on his umbrella as he ascended the staircase. This couldn’t have been too far from wherever Eggsy had been going. The neighborhood seemed similar, and Harry doubted Eggsy would have been able to afford to get there via public transport if he couldn’t afford the pills.

Quashing that thought, because it was likely to get him hunting down whoever had sold the pills, he rang the doorbell. He heard the clicking of a dog’s paws on the floor, but no barking, and Harry still felt the quiet glow of pride at how well Eggsy had done. He should have been one of them. Footsteps followed and a woman’s voice, “Out of the way, JB. Honestly.”

The door opened and Michelle stood there, Eggsy’s young sister on her hip. She gave a reflexive jerk when her eyes settled on Harry, and he could nearly see the memory playing behind her eyes of the last time he’d knocked on her door. She set the child down and shooed her toward the living room.

“Go play with JB, Daisy.”

She tottered away, the pug dutifully at her heels.

“You’re here for Eggsy, aren’t you?”

“If you allow it, yes.”

Michelle stepped aside, letting Harry in, and closed the door behind him. She clicked the lock into place, one more mark in the box against this neighborhood, and one more reason for Harry to get them somewhere safe. She glanced toward the living room where the pug patiently allowed wilted flower crowns to be placed on his head and over his collar.

“I don’t know what to do,” Michelle said. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. “I know it’s…”

“Substances.”

“I’ve seen some of what he brings in, but I don’t know what it is. When-when I was with Dean he took a lot of painkillers, but all over-the-counter, but he never abused them. Sometimes I had to make him take them, because it was a point of pride for him, you know? He always acted like he could take whatever D-Dean handed out. I don’t know what to do.”

Harry pulled out his handkerchief and offered it to her. She accepted with a whispered thanks. “I have friends who can help him, if you allow it.”

“Will he be okay?”

He wanted to say yes, that Harry would drag the boy to hell and back, kicking and screaming if he had to, to make him okay. Instead he said, “I can’t know for sure. I do know that where I can take him he has people who love him. Whatever has led to this change in behavior, he won’t be alone.” Harry wouldn’t allow it.

“He’s the only thing I have left of his father.”

“I understand,” Harry said. She’d lost her husband because he hadn’t noticed something, and now she could lose her son, again because Harry simply hadn’t been paying attention. “Is there anything I should know before I take him?”

Michelle spread her hands helplessly, the handkerchief crumpled up in one. “He’s always felt we deserved more, my boy did. He fought for every scrap, did everything he had to do to get us by, but he’s so angry now. So many people died, and he’s so angry. He couldn’t’ve done anything about it, and I haven’t got any control over him at all.”

Eggsy had had a much greater part to play than his mother could ever imagine, but Harry only put a comforting expression on his face, and said, “Why don’t you take your daughter for a walk? We’ll be gone by the time you get back, and you’ll spare her the sight of anything she ought not to see at her age.”

Judging from the horrified look in her eyes, he likely could have phrased that better, but she dabbed at her eyes again and swooped into the living room, lifting her daughter over her head.

“Let’s go to the park!”

Daisy squealed in joy and tried to help her mother dress her, getting in the way more often than she helped, but shortly thereafter the two of them were at the door, JB’s leash in Daisy’s hand. Michelle pressed a key into Harry’s palm. “I have another. Slide it through the mail slot when you go. His room is the first up the stairs, and… I don’t mean any offense, but… will you be able to handle him?”

Harry laughed at that. “I am much stronger than I look, I promise you.”

She looked him up and down in a way that didn’t seem to be assessing his strength, and shrugged. “Just take care of my boy.”

“I intend to do so, Ms. Unwin.”

The door closed behind them and Harry started in the direction of the stairway, listening for any sounds that might tell him what to expect from Eggsy. It was silent. He didn’t even hear anything when he reached the door, something that anyone with any Kingsman training would have heard and responded to. That was worrying.

He pushed the door open without knocking. The room was dark, shades drawn to block out the afternoon light, Eggsy sprawled on top of his blankets, fully dressed. He looked a mess, hair all over the place, skin pale, dark circles under his eyes even while he slept. He rolled over, putting his back to the door without even looking at who came in.

Harry walked to him and lifted his arm, examining his elbows and wrists for any puncture marks. Blessedly, there were none. Eggsy stirred at that, blinking blearily at Harry and trying to tug his arm free.

“Ha… what?”

“Get up,” Harry said, rolling him onto his back and grabbing his other arm to perform the same check. Also clear. Eggsy just stared at him, confusion evident in his brilliant blue eyes. “If you don’t get up, I will carry you.”

Eggsy didn’t move. Harry caught him beneath the arms and hauled him to his feet. The boy batted at him, but the few strikes that connected were weak and uncoordinated. His skin had a faint sheen of sweat to it that could have had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

“What did you take?” Harry asked, trying to look into Eggsy’s eyes.

“Fuckin’ skittles,” Eggsy slurred, going from trying to fight Harry off to wrapping his arms around the older man to keep from falling. “Tas’ the rain’ow.”

Oh, good. Popping uppers and downers with no regard for what was already in his system. That was wise.

Harry ducked and slung Eggsy over his shoulder, holding him in place with an arm over his thighs. Eggsy flailed, but even that hardly shifted Harry’s balance. He was so weak and so light, so much lighter than a few months should have done to him.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, Harry said, “This is incredibly undignified. If I set you down, will you walk?”

A slurred, but still definitely understandable, “Fuck you.”

Tightening his hold on his wiggling captive, Harry maneuvered them down the stairs and to the front door. Fishing the key out of his pocket, he locked the door and slipped the key through the mail slot, hearing it clink on the linoleum floor.

The driver was waiting at the car’s back door for him. Between the two of them they managed to slide Eggsy into the back seat. Somehow, as he tried to sit up, Eggsy’s feet got tangled beneath the seat, dumping him onto the floor.

“Lemme go, y’ old pompous piece o’ shit,” Eggsy grumbled, trying to work his way free of seatbelts and gravity. The driver closed the door on him, and got into the front seat, waiting for Harry to join him. Harry leaned against the side of the car, unmindful of the dust and dirt he was undoubtedly getting on his clothes, and let out a long, slow breath.

It could be worse. It could always be worse.

The partition between the front and back seats was up, but Eggsy had rolled himself back onto the seat and was laying still. A display on the front dash of the car showed his stats; many of the levels were too high or too low, some numbers certainly weren’t sustainable for the long term, but nothing immediately dangerous.

Merlin met them in the empty underground garage with a stretcher. “I’ve only managed to buy us a few minutes of time,” he said, pulling the stretcher toward the car. “We need to hurry if you want to get him in without anyone seeing.”

Eggsy was still out, unconscious or asleep, Harry couldn’t tell, and moving him was like carrying a sack of flour. He bent everywhere he wasn’t supported, but with the driver holding the stretcher still, Harry and Merlin managed to get him on it. Merlin popped the rails into place and covered him from head to toe with a sheet. The sight looked too much like a body for Harry’s comfort, but he swallowed the unnamed emotion that swelled in his chest and walked alongside the stretcher.

They made it to a wing of the infirmary Harry had never been in. Merlin gestured to a door and Harry pulled it open, stepping aside to let him maneuver the stretcher through.

“Give me some time with him,” Merlin said, folding the blanket back from Eggsy’s face. “I’ll tell you as soon as he’s stabilized.”

And then he and Eggsy disappeared inside. Harry sank to the floor and covered his face with his hands. If carrying Eggsy out of his house wasn’t dignified, sitting on the floor of the infirmary in his suit was probably worse. Hearing footsteps, Harry glanced up in time to see Roxy round the corner.

“Is everything all right?” she asked. “I didn’t think we had anybody out right now.”

Suddenly aware of how he looked, Harry pushed himself to his feet, straightening his clothes. “There’s nothing to be concerned about, Roxy. My apologies if I worried you.”

Roxy gave him a piercing look, one he was certain she’d learned from Percival, but let the matter lie. “You know if you need anything, I’m available.”

“Yes, I do. Thank you, Roxy.”

She offered him a small smile and continued down the hallway in the direction she’d been heading. A few minutes later, two men appeared around that corner, heaving one of the heavy padded chairs between them. The set it down beside the door and left without speaking a word.

The chair had a slip of paper taped to it and Harry couldn’t help but smile when he read it. _At least sit in a chair, you daft man._ Harry settled in, trying to cultivate an air of purpose, but nobody else came down the hallway to test him.

An hour passed and then most of another before Merlin opened the door. He looked wearied, but not distraught.

“He’ll be sleeping for quite a while, but he’s stable. You can sit in there with him if you’d like. Wake him on your life.”

Thanking him quietly, Harry stepped into the room. It was large with three unused beds separated by white curtains. The overhead lights were off, with only the bathroom light casting a soft illumination to guide his feet. Eggsy was surrounded by quietly blipping machines, flashing numbers Harry only mostly understood. They were much more stable than they had been, low, but stable.

At least he was breathing.

Harry took the empty seat at Eggsy’s side and reached out to touch his shoulder. He stirred and the blanket slid down, revealing a thick leather cuff around his wrist, binding him to the bed. Harry checked his other wrist and then his ankles, finding the same restraints there.

“What have you gotten yourself into?” Harry asked him quietly, dampening a cloth in the sink and sponging at some of the sweat beaded on Eggsy’s face.

Merlin brought him dinner and checked the restraints, slipping a finger between the leather and Eggsy’s skin, checking the color and temperature of his extremities. A few hours later he brought a pillow and some blankets. Harry thanked him, but didn’t sleep that night.

When Merlin arrived the next morning he gave Harry a measured look, but only asked, “Any change?”

“He’s been tossing and turning a bit more,” Harry said. “He’s started mumbling in his sleep, but I can’t understand him.”

“He should wake up soon. Most of the sedatives should be working their way out of his system by now. Go get something to eat, shower, clean up. Don’t come back for at least an hour.”

Harry opened his mouth to argue, but Merlin pointed at the door and Harry had no choice but to go. The infirmary was, after all, his domain. Harry made his way to the room assigned to Galahad, avoiding the busiest halls as best as he could.

His hands didn’t start shaking until he got in the shower. He clasped his arms around himself and bowed his head, taking deep breaths of steam. The warmth in his lungs didn’t warm his body any more than the too-hot water did. It took his lifetime of training to bring his control back to the forefront, and Harry finished his shower and dressed.

Normally putting the suit on was like putting on armor, strengthening him, but today he only felt the weight. The few mouthfuls of food he choked down didn’t help either. If he’d left Eggsy alone, gotten him out of jail, then got out of his life, he wouldn’t be in this position.

The more rational part of his mind reminded him that Eggsy could very well have died, either from his bastard of a step-father or from Valentine’s SIM cards. He could have been one of the innumerable casualties, a missing body, a name on one of the black marble plaques springing up all over the world.

That thought twisted uncomfortably in Harry’s chest. Pausing in front of the mirror, Harry looked himself over, surprised at the vehemence of discomfort that triggered in him. The thought of Merlin dying sent waves of true sorrow, Roxy or the other Kingsmen likewise. None of them washed his body in cold fear the way the thought of Eggsy, even an Eggsy he didn’t know, dying.

Harry met his own eyes in the mirror, heart sinking.

“Well, shit.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will be a third chapter coming sometime this week or next.

He was remarkably proud of his own restraint; a full two hours passed before he returned to the hospital room. The lights were on, the bed angled upright for Eggsy to be seated more comfortably. Merlin was bent over the restraints on Eggsy’s left wrist.

“Are these too tight?” Merlin asked, his voice masking the quiet _snick_ of the door closing.

“You could just take ‘em off me,” Eggsy said, voice rough. He tugged at the restraints, making the chains jangle.

“It’s for your own protection. I can’t have you running off on us until we know everything’s out of your system.”

“’M not an addict.”

“Unfortunately, addicts say that,” Merlin said kindly. He looked up at Harry’s approach, drawing Eggsy’s gaze to him. The young man went rigid, jerking against the restraints again. “Can you grip my fingers for me—ow, yes, that’s quite enough.”

The muscles in Eggsy’s jaw worked as he looked away, drawing in sharp breaths.

Merlin glanced at Harry. “The other testing should be in in a few days. I’ll let you know what I find.”

Eggsy nodded, gaze fixed on the gray wall opposite him. “Does my mum know you kidnapped me?” he asked.

Reaching the bedside, Harry put his hand on the metal rail, trying not to see the way Eggsy flinched away from him. “It was with her blessing. She’s worried about you.”

“Bullshit. I keep her fed.”

“And what happens when you find yourself having to decide between your drugs and the food for her and your sister?”

“I made that choice,” Eggsy said, finally looking at Harry, some indescribable, furious emotion swirling in his eyes. “I made that choice and I made sure she had food.”

Merlin shot Harry a look, and he fell silent, tendrils of guilt seeping through his stomach.

“Do you know what you took?” Merlin asked, directing Eggsy’s attention back to him.

Eggsy shrugged. “Ambien was the last thing, I think. Before that, I dunno. It’s kinda hazy.”

“You were heavily sedated. Do you remember your trip here at all?”

“I remember Harry draggin’ me out of bed, yeah.”

“Before that? After it?” Merlin’s voice was quiet and steady, but his words were insistent.

“No. Not much. I just…” He did glance at Harry this time, then back at that gray wall. “I couldn’ sleep. I couldn’ fall asleep, and if I did, I just woke up anyways.”

Harry nearly reached out to touch him, but held himself back. It was fairly obvious that his overtures would not be appreciated now, or possibly ever again.

“I didn’ take it ‘cause I wanted the high or nothing. I took the uppers a couple-a times, but then I really couldn’t sleep, you know, and I didn’t want to be high. So I didn’ take more.”

“I’m going to ask you a question and I need you to answer me honestly, Eggsy, okay?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah, okay.”

“I’m thinking of sending you home with Harry tomorrow, as long as you’re not showing any sign of withdrawals—” Harry raised his eyebrows; they definitely hadn’t talked about this “—but I need to know whether or not you’re going to go and start using again.”

“It’s not the drugs,” Eggsy protested, straightening, restraints clanking. “I just wanted to sleep.”

“I can get you something for that. I’ll send some home with Harry for you. Is that okay?”

Eggsy looked at Harry again, eyes sweeping across his face, and then back to Merlin. “Yeah. S’long as Harry’s okay with it.”

Harry gave in and brushed aside some of the hair that had fallen across Eggsy’s forehead. “Of course I am.”

Merlin shooed him out of the way and injected something into Eggsy’s shoulder. Then he unlocked the restraints around Eggsy’s wrists and ankles. “I’ll have you on video in case you need anything. Try to sleep.”

 

Eggsy stayed at HQ two days longer. The withdrawals were worse than Merlin had expected, but he reminded Harry that it could have been much worse. Some of the medications were strongly contraindicated, but Eggsy was lucky. Lucky or smart.

He tossed and turned in his hospital bed, sweat out toxins, but gradually he got better. The broths Merlin restricted him to the first day turned to heartier soups and then proper meals, and the gaunt look in his face began to fade. He was still much too skinny, Harry thought privately, but Merlin seemed pleased with his progress, so he didn’t say anything.

Four days after Harry sneaked him into the underground garage, they took the shuttle to the tailor’s and a cab to Harry’s. While Eggsy had been in the infirmary, Roxy had been sent to retrieve a few more outfits and his personal effects. He clutched the bag to his chest with one arm, shifting from side to side.

Harry unlocked the door and stepped aside for him to enter. “You remember where the guest room is?”

Eggsy shot him a look that told him he knew exactly where he was and it was ridiculous for Harry to ask that. Kicking off his shoes, and taking the time to set them in a pair off to the side, Eggsy trotted up the stairs. Harry heard the upstairs door open and close.

By the time Harry had taken his jacket off and closed the closet door, Eggsy’s footsteps sounded on the stairs again. He hesitated at the foot of the stairs, glancing between the clock on the mantle and Harry. “’S late.”

“Are you tired?”

Eggsy gave a brittle sort of laugh and shrugged, spreading his hands. Harry pulled out a chair for him and Eggsy took it, collapsing into it like everything that had been keeping him upright had been cut away. Harry sat across from him, watching the younger man scrub his hands over his face.

“How are you doing?” Harry asked.

“Fine.”

“Eggsy.”

He shrugged, pulling his knees together and folding his arms in his lap, drawing himself together and making himself smaller. It wasn’t at all the response he expected from the man he’d met at the police station more than a year ago.

“Still a little achy. Merlin said it’s from the opiates. A side effect, I guess. I’ll be okay. I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep.”

“Does something wake you up?” Harry asked, watching Eggsy’s body language. He drew his arms in tighter, but his face was calm when he answered.

“Nothin’ really. I just… wake up.”

Harry met Eggsy’s eyes, waiting until he had Eggsy’s complete attention. “Merlin played some of the recordings for me.”

Eggsy’s back straightened, eyes opening wide and choking on his breath. His hands fisted on the arms of the chair. “What recordings?”

“You know what recordings.”

He released the chair and brought his hands up to cover his face. There was a slight tremor in his fingers. He looked too small like that, too fragile for the person Harry had known. Despite his better judgment, and Harry figured there was going to be a lot of ‘despite’s in the upcoming days, he reached out and touched Eggsy’s forearm. He flinched, but brought his hands down, meeting Harry’s gaze with something like shame in his eyes.

“I’m only asking to be sure you’re okay.”

Eggsy’s hands still shook, and he shoved them beneath his thighs. He looked down at his knees, unable to meet Harry’s eyes. “I only… I—” Harry could see his mouth forming an S sound, but he said, “I din’ let him fuck me.”

Harry ached to hug him, but he stayed back. “As long as you’re not hurt.”

Eyes still focused down, Eggsy said, “Merlin did some tests. I’m fine.”

“Physically, maybe. That mission we sent the three of you on before the train test wasn’t just a way for us to drug you, Eggsy. We could have done that just as easily with any food or drink you got here. On occasion, we do have to seduce our targets, and sometimes that means sleeping with them. A Kingsman is the last person on this earth to make any judgments.”

Shoulders hunched and drawn forward, Eggsy didn’t say anything.

“I’ll be up for a bit yet. Go try to get some sleep. If you can’t, I’ll be here with the sedative.”

Eggsy nodded and stood, heading toward the stairs, hands stuffed in his pockets and head bowed. Harry watched him go, then went to his study to catch up on the work he’d let fall by the wayside while Eggsy was at the infirmary. He was hardly productive, listening for any sound from Eggsy’s room. Nearly an hour passed, and Harry had managed to complete one mission report, before he heard footsteps and then Eggsy appeared at the study door.

“Come on in,” Harry said, closing his laptop.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather… not.” At Harry’s bewildered look, Eggsy gestured to the computer. “Last time I was here, I saw, uh, you die. Or I thought I did. And, y’know, I’d rather… not.”

Harry retrieved the sedative from the safe at the side of his desk and stood. “Of course. I’m sorry.”

Eggsy bared his shoulder. At the sound of the needle retracting, Eggsy let his short sleeve drop back into place, rubbing at the injection location.

“I’ll be gone when you wake up,” Harry said. “Merlin needs me back at HQ for the day. I’ll be back in the evening.”

“Oh,” Eggsy said, dropping his gaze back to the ground. “Okay.”

“Is that all right?” Harry asked, dipping his head to get a better look at Eggsy’s face. “I can tell Merlin I need to stay.”

“I’ll keep myself entertained.”

Harry reached out and cupped Eggsy’s cheek, drawing his surprised gaze up. “You’d tell me if you needed me to stay?”

Eggsy nodded, eyes wide. He swallowed, lips parting and drawing in a quick breath. “Harry?”

He pulled his hand back, folding his hands behind his back. “Right, well, I’m headed to bed. If you need anything, come wake me.”

“Okay?”

Cursing himself silently, Harry fled to his bedroom and managed not to think too much of the breathless stammer in Eggsy’s voice. The next morning, Harry peeked through the cracked door of Eggsy’s room before he left and saw the boy sound asleep, breathing steadily. Hating himself a little for his paranoia, he checked the safe to ensure it was soundly locked.

Too many hours had passed and it was after dark when Harry got home that night. The lights in his house were on, a surprisingly cheery sight, and one he’d never come home to before. Eggsy’s shadow crossed in his kitchen, lingering above the sink, then moving on to do something else. A low anxiety he hadn’t realized he’d felt faded at the sight and something that smacked a bit too much of domesticity replaced it. Burying the feeling, he stepped inside and stopped short at the scent of food. Real food, browning meats and cooking peppers, not takeout Chinese or pizza.

“Eggsy?”

Eggsy stuck his head around the corner and grinned. The dark circles under his eyes were no lighter, but he looked more at ease and much steadier on his feet. “Good timin’. I wasn’ sure when you’d be home, so I cooked somethin’. It’s only spag bol… that’s kinda the only thing I can cook.”

“I’m sure it will be delicious.”

They settled into a quiet routine over the next days. Eggsy recovered until the attitude Harry had first heard outside a police station came back. He laughed more freely. He stopped slinking around corners, although he still refused to set foot into Harry’s study. Most nights he asked for the sedative, but somehow he didn’t look any less exhausted in the mornings.

It was two weeks after their arrival at Harry’s before he began to understand what was wrong. Eggsy had taken the sedative and gone to bed. At about three in the morning, something jolted Harry awake. He couldn’t place it at first, some sound of distress, but when Eggsy’s voice rose, Harry threw the blankets aside and headed for Eggsy’s room.

“No,” Eggsy’s voice said, broken and sobbing, “no, no. Run. _Run_.”

Harry pushed the door open to find Eggsy tossing and turning on the bed, the blankets thrown off the edge, sweat shining on his skin, his hands grasping at air.

“Faster… have to run faster… people’re _dying_ …”

“Eggsy,” Harry said, reaching to grab Eggsy’s shoulder. “Eggsy, wake up.”

At his touch, Eggsy’s eyes snapped open and he flailed out, nearly striking Harry. There were tears on his cheeks and his eyes were wild and unfocused.

“I’m here,” Harry said, reaching more slowly for him.

At the sound of his voice, Eggsy started again, then his eyes focused. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and threw himself into Harry’s arms, burying his face against Harry’s chest.

“Harry.”

“I’m here,” Harry repeated, wrapping his arms around the younger man. “I’m right here, Eggsy, it’s okay.”

Eggsy scrabbled for a tighter grip on Harry’s shirt. He was shaking, sobbing into Harry’s shoulder. Completely taken aback, Harry could only hold him closer, stroking the back of his hair until the sobs faded into sniffles and he stopped shaking.

“What were you dreaming about?”

“I-I couldn’ run. It was Valentine’s place, and I knew people were dyin’, and I was runnin’, but I couldn’t get to him to stop him. People were screamin’ and dyin’ and I—” He stopped, grabbing another handful of Harry’s shirt. Harry held him tighter, trying to convey through his grip that he understood and the dream was over.

“Is this why you look so tired all the time?” Eggsy nodded. “Have you gotten a full night’s sleep since coming here?”

“Haven’ slept a full night since Valentine,” Eggsy said, his voice muffled. “Got your shirt all wet.”

Harry let out a dismissive breath, running his hand down the warm skin of Eggsy’s back. “This shirt has survived a fire. I hardly think a few well-earned tears will ruin it. Why didn’t you come to me?”

“You don’ need to deal with problems. And you’d prob’ly just tell me nightmares were ungentlemanly or somethin’.”

Affronted that Eggsy could have misjudged him so badly, Harry pulled a little away, waiting for Eggsy to look up at him. “I would have said no such thing. We see terrible things, Eggsy. You’ve seen worst than most things,” like watching him murder a church full of innocents, even if they were horrible people, “and we should have made sure you were okay. Is this why you started taking the pills?”

Eggsy ducked his head, but made no move to pull out of the circle of Harry’s arms. “’M so sorry.”

Harry realized then that he was fucked. There was a time and a place to realize you were irrevocably in love with someone who could never love you back, and when they were sniffling in your arms, apologizing for endangering their own life, that was not it.

“Can I… Can you…” Eggsy hesitated, clearing his throat. “Stay?”

Yes, he was well and truly fucked.

Harry retrieved the blankets from the floor and slung them over the bed. Eggsy watched him as though afraid he would leave, clutching the blankets to his chest.

“Over.”

When Eggsy obeyed, Harry pulled back the blankets and slid into the bed. Eggsy curled close enough to him for Harry to feel the tremors that still ran through him. Thinking again that he was going to regret this one day, Harry wrapped his arms around Eggsy and pulled him tight. Within minutes Eggsy had relaxed and fallen asleep; Harry followed not long after.

Harry woke to sunlight in his eyes from an unusual direction. It took him a moment to remember where he was, but the shift of Eggsy in his arms reminded him quickly enough. With a sigh, Harry began the careful process of extricating himself from Eggsy’s grip. He was nearly free when Eggsy’s eyes opened.

“It’s okay,” Harry whispered, smoothing Eggsy’s hair down. “Go back to sleep.”

Nodding, still more asleep than awake, Eggsy did so.

Harry dressed, checked once more to make sure Eggsy was still asleep, and then went to his study to call Merlin.

“It’s six in the morning, Harry, this had damn well better be important,” Merlin grumbled as his face appeared on the computer screen.

“You were up anyway,” Harry said, giving his suit a pointed look. “We have a problem.”

Any morning sleep vanished from Merlin’s face. “What’s wrong? Is Eggsy okay?”

“Eggsy’s fine. He’s been having nightmares, which is why he can’t sleep. But that’s not our problem.”

Merlin gave him a scathing look. “Which is?”

“I’m in love with him.”

Silence. Then, “You’re _what_?”

“In love with him.”

Merlin crossed his arms and sat back in his chair, head rolling back to look at the ceiling, a pinched look to his lips. “Of course you are. Of course. Jesus, Harry, what are you thinking? You’re twice his age—”

“More than.”

“And you nominated him. What does Eggsy think of this?”

Uncomfortably, Harry spread his hands. “I don’t know. I haven’t told him.”

“You haven’t—” Merlin rubbed at his forehead so vigorously he left a red mark. “Are you planning on telling him?”

“No.”

“Are you _twelve_? What do you want me to do? Tell him I know somebody who likes him? Give him a ‘check yes or no’ note?”

“There are proprieties to be considered,” Harry reminded him, but the words hardly seemed to make a difference.

“What proprieties?” Merlin asked. “For the record, I think you’re being an idiot, but as the last twenty years have taught us, you don’t much care what I think. He’s half your age, but he’s not a child. Maybe some stability would be good for him. Besides, there’s no law against it.”

“Just because there’s no law against it doesn’t mean it’s something we should do.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, flashed a rude gesture his way, and disconnected the call.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long, guys! I've been busy and lazy and I have no excuse. Again, I haven't edited my latest additions, so parts of it may be rougher than others. If you see any really ridiculous typos or places where I deleted half a sentence (or paragraph, gods forbid), please let me know where it is.

An hour and an unfinished mission report later, Harry heard footsteps on the stairs and then Eggsy appeared in the doorway and peered into the study. “I didn’t interrupt you, did I?”

Harry stood and shook his head. “Just doing some paperwork, but I welcome any and all interruptions. You look well rested.”

Eggsy flushed a little, avoiding Harry’s eyes. “About that… I shouldn’t’ve asked you to stay.”

“Don’t be absurd,” Harry said. “I’m glad you asked. All that’s important is that you sleep and regain your strength.”

There was no more talk about that night and Harry pretended to forget about it. Some nights he heard Eggsy shout himself awake, but never as loudly as that night. Then nearly a month later, he was reading in bed when he heard a quiet knock at the door. It was so quiet he never would have heard it had he been sleeping.

“Come in.”

The door opened and Eggsy stepped in, arms wrapped around his stomach. “Harry?”

He was out of bed before Eggsy was all the way through. “What’s wrong?”

Eggsy’s cheeks were tear-stained and his voice cracked when he spoke. He rubbed his arms as though he was cold. “Can I stay with you tonight? Please?”

Harry put his arm around Eggsy’s waist and led him to the bed. “Whenever you need. I’ve got a little more reading to do, but I should be done in a few minutes, if you can’t sleep with the light on.”

“Don’ matter.”

Eggsy curled beneath the blankets, his back to Harry and the light, but close enough that Harry could feel the easy rise and fall of his breath. It took him much longer than it should have to finish the reading, but once he rolled over to set the tablet on the bedside table and turn out the light, he found Eggsy twisted to where he had been. He took Eggsy in his arms and fell asleep.

Eggsy stopped asking for the sedative most nights after that, and came much more often to Harry’s bed, sometimes before Harry had fallen asleep, sometimes after.

It was wrong on so many levels. Wrong to fall in love with his nominee, wrong to let him sleep in his bed under the pretense of soothing his nightmares, wrong to let him live at his house under the pretense of letting him heal. Wrong and somehow Harry still couldn’t find it in him to be upset when he returned from his days at HQ to see Eggsy cooking or watching television or reading.

And the nights when Eggsy tossed and turned in bed next to him, Harry could do nothing but pull him closer and wait until the fear subsided. One night Harry woke to the sound of his own name barely intelligible between broken sobs, the kind that had to hurt Eggsy’s chest to make.

Normally Harry gave him the chance to settle on his own before waking him, but the distress in Eggsy’s voice spurred him to action. “Eggsy. Eggsy, I’m here.”

At the first touch to his shoulder, Eggsy sat up, one hand clutching at his chest as though to comfort some pain there. For the second time in Harry’s memory, Eggsy lunged at him, wrapping an arm around him and burying his face against the side of Harry’s neck.

He was shaking like a frightened animal in Harry’s arms. This dream, whatever it was, had frightened him more than the one that had woken Harry weeks ago. It made him wonder, then, how many dreams he’d been hiding from Harry that were worse than his fear of failing to stop Valentine.

“It’s okay, Eggsy,” Harry said, rubbing small circles into his back. “I’m right here. Whatever it was, I’m right here.”

Eggsy let out a broken, “Harry,” and slumped further into his hold. Harry eased him down, never letting him get more than a few centimeters away. Keeping a hand on Eggsy’s chest, he rearranged the blankets around them and lay back down beside him, tucking Eggsy as close as he could. The boy molded to him, clung to him like he was lost.

Harry was lost.

And then Harry got the call to return to Kingsman for a week-long mission before Eggsy even woke in the next morning. He left a note on the kitchen table beneath the house key, promising Eggsy he would be back as soon as he could and reminding him that Roxy or Merlin would both be able to administer the sedative if he needed it, and that he would have beds at HQ or his mother’s, if he didn’t want to remain alone at Harry’s. He acquired promises from both Merlin and Roxy that they would keep an eye on him and tell Harry if anything went wrong.

It was a long flight to Equatorial Guinea and another long flight to Kyrgyzstan, following his target’s erratic run. The week stretched into two and somehow Harry found himself reaching out for Eggsy in the night. He was irritable and exhausted when the Kingsman jet finally bumped to the ground in England, but he was determined to make it home. Merlin reminded him there were beds at HQ, but Harry was having none of it. He wanted his own bed and he wanted to make sure Eggsy was okay, despite the fact that Roxy had visited him only the day before and pronounced him fine.

Harry made it home at an ungodly hour, Merlin yawning in his ear to make sure he made it home safely. The yawn clicked off midway through as soon as Harry stepped into his own house and shut the door behind him. He didn’t doubt Merlin was already in bed and asleep by the time he slipped off his own shoes.

Eggsy’s room was empty when Harry went to check on him. He’d probably gone to stay with his mother. It wasn’t surprising. Harry did have to quash a little sensation of disappointment. Eggsy was free to do what he wanted with his nights—and his days.

Closing the door to Eggsy’s room, Harry headed down the hallway to his room. He pushed the door open and went to flick on the lights, only to see a shape in his bed illuminated by moonlight. He was confused for a few seconds until the shape shifted, shadowed eyes opening and peering his direction.

“’Arry?”

“It’s me,” Harry said, stepping into the moonlight that spilled beyond his bed.

“Missed you.”

A cold pit sank into Harry’s stomach, but he kept his voice light. “I missed you, too. I’m going to change and I’ll be in bed.”

Eggsy stayed awake long enough to snuggle against Harry’s side when he finally slipped beneath the blankets, but he was out not long after that. Harry lasted a bit longer. He would have to deal with this in the morning, but for now he tucked Eggsy’s head beneath his chin and basked in the warmth while he had it.

It was Eggsy stirring in the morning that woke him up. Harry let the younger man get up and head for his own room. The shower turned on and then Harry sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes and calculating how long he had to prepare himself for the conversation he needed to have.

Except there wasn’t enough time in the world for Harry to prepare himself when Eggsy traipsed downstairs, hair damp and dripping onto his shirt. His eyes were bright and he was all smiles. “I wasn’ sure if you’d really come to bed last night at first.”

‘Come to bed.’ The phrase was so domestic, so homey, that the words stuck in Harry’s throat and he struggled to get them out. “I did, yes. Eggsy, I need to speak with you for a moment.”

Eggsy gestured between them, which translated clearly into ‘I thought that’s what we were doing’ and leaned against the wall, arms crossed, waiting.

Harry cleared his throat. “I think… That is, I’ve been thinking… Eggsy, perhaps it’s best if you return home to your mother now that you’re better.”

Eggsy pulled back as if Harry’s words had been a physical blow. “What?”

“There are issues of propriety to be considered,” Harry said.

“Propriety?” Eggsy echoed. “Propriety? Bullshit. If you didn’ want me here, you shoulda just told me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you here. There are reasons.” Eggsy spread his arms, prompting him for more. Harry took a deep breath. This was the part where Eggsy took off running and Harry never saw him again. At least he knew it was coming. “I have developed… feelings for you. Feelings inappropriate for our positions and our-our situation.”

At that, Eggsy straightened, almost falling into the posture Harry had begun seeing near the end of his Kingsman training. “What? What feelin’s?”

“It doesn’t bear—”

“Don’t give me that,” Eggsy said, his voice strained.

Harry couldn’t answer.

Eggsy’s lips tightened and he nodded. “All right, then.”

He turned and headed up the stairs. Harry sank into a chair, his head in his hands. It could have gone worse, he supposed. At least he was off the drugs, he’d be going to a safe home with his family. Dean was gone. It could always be worse. Doors opened and closed, the sound of feet on the stairs again, and then Eggsy came to a halt in front of him.

“I’ll have Merlin send a car,” Harry said.

“Why?”

Harry looked up to see Eggsy’s empty hands. He stood slowly, confused. Eggsy shrugged.

“I moved my stuff into your room. Since we’re sleepin’ together already, I figured it don’t make sense for me to have to keep going from one to the other to get dressed.”

“Eggsy, we can’t.” It was the last thing Harry wanted to say. Harry wanted to seize upon the implication of his words, he wanted to believe that Eggsy wanted… Wanted, wanted, wanted.

“What’s stopping us?” Eggsy challenged, stepping into Harry’s personal space, backing him up against the sink.

“It’s not—”

“If you say ‘proper’ or ‘gentlemanly’ or anything like that, so help me, I will punch you in the face.”

With even that avenue of escape denied him, Harry fell silent.

“And if you don’t kiss me right now, I’m going to punch you anyway.”

Harry gave in, his hands sweeping up to cup Eggsy’s cheeks. Eggsy smiled, and Harry leaned in to kiss him. He was eager, pushing back as soon as Harry’s lips touched his. He kissed like the young, more enthusiasm than skill, lips and tongue and teeth, and Harry didn’t care. He pushed back, meeting Eggsy’s tongue at each touch.

Eggsy wrapped his arms around Harry tightly enough that the previous week’s mission’s bruises protested, but Harry only grabbed Eggsy’s hip, threading a finger through a belt loop and pulling him tighter. He took a handful of Eggsy’s hair, tipping his head back with just enough force to draw a soft hiss from the other man’s lips. Harry trailed damp kisses down Eggsy’s throat, feeling that strong pulse pick up beneath his lips.

Then he pulled back and Eggsy stared at him, mouth agape. “What?”

Harry leaned in to kiss him again, more slowly this time. And then he pulled back again just as Eggsy began to catch up.

Eggsy caught a fistful of the shirt on his side. “Where’re you goin’?”

“Nowhere,” Harry promised, kissing his forehead, “but there are proper ways of going about this.”

He could feel Eggsy slouch against him. “’M guessin’ that doesn’t mean bed?”

“Not yet, no.”

“You’re the worst. Were you really gonna ship me out just ‘cause you were in love with me?” Eggsy asked. “I mean… that is what it was, right? It wasn’t just that you wanted to fuck me, was it? ‘Cause I can be on board with that, I just kinda need to know.”

Harry brushed his fingers through Eggsy’s hair, watching the younger man relax into his grip. He tilted Eggsy’s chin up and kissed him again, shivering at the soft noise Eggsy made, clutching tighter at Harry’s shoulders.

“I love you.”

“Oh,” Eggsy said. “Good. That’s… that’s good.”

Taking Eggsy by the wrist, and then his hand when Eggsy slid their fingers together, Harry led the way into the living room. He sat on the sofa, and Eggsy melded to his side, slinging his legs over Harry’s knees.

“Now, to answer your question, I was going to ‘ship you out’ because I would have been taking advantage of you.”

“You know, it ain’t ‘taking advantage,’” Eggsy slipped into his Kingsman accent on those two words, “if I ain’t sayin’ no.”

“That isn’t what I meant,” Harry said. Idly, and because he could, he ran a finger across Eggsy’s lips. Eggsy caught his wrist, but didn’t move to stop him. “There are situations in which a ‘yes’ can be coerced.”

And Eggsy went rigid at that. He withdrew his hand from Harry’s wrist. “Oh,” he said quietly. “That’s what this is about. Listen, I know I’ve did some stupid shit, and I get it if you think I’m not good enough for you. I can pack up and go home.”

Harry was so surprised by the sudden change that Eggsy was halfway up before he caught on and tugged him back down, wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing the back of his neck. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

Eggsy still hadn’t relaxed, although he didn’t try to get away. “What’d you mean?”

“I meant that I don’t want this to be anything less than what you want it to be. If you want this to be about sex, I can make that work.” It would kill him, day by day, to fall more and more in love with this man, only to watch him fall in love with someone else in return someday. “But I also won’t let you think you owe me anything, not your time, not your love, for anything I’ve given you. And I meant what I said. There’s not a Kingsman alive who will say anything about doing what you need to do. We can’t afford to operate in black and white. We’ve all done what you did—”

“Sucked a guy off?” Eggsy offered bitterly.

Harry tapped the top of his head in reprimand. “And worse, for nothing more than a name that may or may not be the information we need. I wish you’d come to us before resorting to drugs, but you’re your own man. You owed us nothing.”

With each word, Eggsy relaxed more into Harry’s grip until he was nearly boneless against him. “Are you sure? ‘Cause I… I love you. And that hasn’t gone good for anyone I know. Mum lost Dad and it broke her, and then she thought she loved Dean and he beat the shit out of her and used me and Daisy as leverage to beat her again.”

“Do you think I’m anything like Dean?” Harry asked. He couldn’t see Eggsy’s face, but he straightened at Harry’s words.

“No!”

Harry pressed a kiss to the same spot on the back of Eggsy’s neck. “Then come here.”

Eggsy rearranged himself until he was straddling Harry, elbows resting on the back of the couch on either side of Harry. He twined his fingers through Harry’s hair, eyes focused intently on Harry’s face. At the gentle scrape of fingernails across his scalp, Harry let his eyes close.

He hadn’t expected the kiss along the faint ridge of the scar on his right temple, but he stayed still, hands catching at Eggsy’s hips. Eggsy trailed kisses down Harry’s cheek until he caught his lips again, pressing him back against the couch.

Just when Harry thought he was going to decide the gentlemanly thing to do was take everything Eggsy was offering, his phone rang.

“Ignore it,” Eggsy said. The heat in his voice was so heady that Harry very nearly did just that, letting it ring through to voicemail, but then the phone rang again, a different ringtone this time.

“It’s Merlin,” Harry said.

“Don’t give a fuck, do I?”

Harry leaned forward to give Eggsy another kiss, maneuvering him until he was seated on the couch, freeing Harry to grab his phone from the table in front of them before Eggsy could retaliate.

“Galahad.”

“I need you to come in. Bring Eggsy.”

Shooting an uncomfortable look Eggsy’s way, Harry frowned. “Are you sure?”

“We’ve had word on Bedivere. I need you here.”

The last time Harry had heard that tone in Merlin’s voice Lancelot had been dead. “We’ll be right in.” The line went dead, and Harry turned to face Eggsy. “We’re needed at the shop.”

“Me too?” Eggsy asked.

“Yes. Do you still have a suit?”

“It’s here.”

Harry caught Eggsy’s arm and tugged him in, kissing him until Eggsy was clutching at his shoulders, breathless. “This doesn’t change anything, Eggsy. We’ll see what Merlin needs and then we’ll come back here and figure this out.”

 

Harry had expected a full collection of Kingsman, but only Merlin awaited them in the dining room. He stood when they entered, casting a look between the two of them, and then letting out a resigned sigh.

“Bedivere’s tracker went dead around 2100 last night. An hour ago, I got the call from Lancelot that he’s dead. ‘Spread out over three square kilometers’ was her exact wording. We have an opening and, Eggsy, if you want it, it’s yours. Trist—Arthur already cleared it.”

Harry expected Eggsy to jump at the opportunity, but instead he shook his head, folding his hands in front of him and looking down at the carpet. “I don’. Want it, I mean. It’s… It was what I wanted. A year ago I would’ve gone for it, but I can’t live that life, now. Not after everythin’. I saw what it did to Mum to lose Dad, and you’re the one who said we don’t retire from this job.” His lips twisted in a kind of bitter smile that made Harry ache to take him in his arms and pull him away. “’Sides, I already saved the world once. What more d’ya want from me?”

Eggsy glanced up at the end, meeting Merlin’s eyes. Harry waited, breath caught in his throat. Some silent conversation passed between them, something Harry had no hope of possibly translating.

“In that case, we’ll have to assemble the Kingsman. Harry, could you send the message out, please?”

Harry recognized a dismissal when he saw it. He narrowed his eyes at Merlin, but the other man hardly acknowledged him. He touched the small of Eggsy’s back, then headed for the door to begin the summons, leaving Eggsy behind.

He never did learn what Merlin said to Eggsy while he was out, but when he came back, they were both seated across from each other at the table, Merlin’s clipboard between them.

“Really?”

“All you need to do is sign, and we’ll see that it’s arranged,” Merlin said. “They’ll be taken care of when you can’t be with them.” Eggsy reached out without hesitation and signed with a flourish. “Michelle will be getting a call within the hour, and as soon as you let us know, we’ll have people at the estate to help her move. She’ll be working ten minutes from the house, and she’ll be another ten from where you’re living. I presume you’re moving in with Harry?”

Eggsy flushed, glancing at Harry over his shoulder. “I… we haven’ really talked ‘bout it.”

“Then you’ll be ten minutes from him, until you decide. If that’s all, your training starts when the children get here, Bertilak. You’ll have a couple of calls you want to make, I think.”

Eggsy stood and nearly ran into Harry, wrapping his arms around his waist. Harry accepted the embrace with a bewildered look over Eggsy’s shoulder. Harry couldn’t remember the last time they’d had a Bertilak, but apparently Merlin had decided to reinstate the title. Merlin only sent him a self-satisfied smile and tucked his clipboard beneath his arm, heading through the door.

“Can we go home?” Eggsy asked, leaning up to kiss Harry with enough purpose that Harry decided propriety be damned.

“I think we’ll take a cab,” Harry whispered in Eggsy’s ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lit major in me thought I was being clever with the whole "Bertilak" thing. You can google him if you want, but it's really not that important.
> 
> Also I tried to write the smut guys, I really did, but it all sounds good in my head and then I go to write it and I'm suddenly a blushing virgin again. So... I tried.


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